Paths are meant to lead you, they can also lead you astray, further away from your original destination. Perhaps you didn’t know where you were going, or why you were going there in the first place. I like to keep my aspirations grand, my goals clear. One thing I am trying to clear up is my desire, my intent. I am passionate about my trade, it has never lead me astray, my work is always representative of it’s context, which is all that is left. But getting caught up in the work can have you forget about the path, the ground can vanish from under your feet. When this happens, it can take some time to find another better path towards your destination. And so I seek the desire to assume charge of my own affairs, stop letting others make choices in my behalf. Seems like I’ve done this before, but never so clearly. It’s a process, a slow process of comprehension and projection, meanwhile doing as much work as I can handle on my own.

Which leads me to the next great step in my life. The name is so good, I don’t want to reveal it yet. But soon. I know however what I want it to be, which is the best thing to know. I also know I can take my time and act on my own decisions, that is the biggest relief. This new project and hopefully the best project I have undertaken is a web company, with multiple specific focus areas and objectives, nothing big, but ultimately something that is mine, where the goals are clear, the ideas are my own and work with professional dedicated people. I will also never give up on the possibility of forming a small T-Shirt/Poster shop once again, one I can use as a hobby, with none of the pressures of making it big.

Well. that’s enough for now. I wanted to give my readers (I think it went up to 2.8 readers. Yay!) the heads-up. Over the next few days I will be posting excerpts from an ongoing writing project titled “Life Vest Under Your Seat” a collection of short stories I want to finish and publish.

There’s this great song with Pavarotti and U2 called Ms. Sarajevo, where Bono posts many a question about the right time to do something. “Is there a time for…” well, I’ve been thinking about way to many things lately, most of them involve commitment and the future, I think commitment would be nothing without some sacrifice, because it involves selflessness, it involves letting go of your selfishness, those particular things that you know are just for you and might not serve any purpose to anybody else. In any case, I am a person of compromise, of balance, of midpoints, there is always a midpoint, always a spot where to people can meet and find the right amount of something they want and something they can give away. So sacrifice is a matter of compromise, to me, it involves no regret, no discontent, such feelings will rot away within you, will keep you from realising your potential. So, as I’ve said before, I keep a positive outlook, the choices are make aren’t really as important as how committed I am to these choices, how happy I think these choices can make me.

My last few years have been about me, about my dreams, my goals, because ultimately my dreams involve many people, I never want to just make myself happy, I believe in retribution, and I never forget those who have helped me selflessly along the way. I have always seen fortune in my future, not necessarily fame and fortune, but success, happiness, when I search my feelings, which are the only thing I know to be true, I can find the answers. Foresight is not about certainty, it is about projection, by knowing who I am, I can know who I will be, when I see my life I see a continual rise of success, and why should I see anything else, if it is not what I want for myself? Projection. It is all about projection.

Right now. I can see many things unfolding for myself, they are here to grasp, they are moments that will never come again, and so I cherish these and dive deep into these choices because they dictate my future.

Learning is a passion, an open-mind is invulnerable to surprise. More and more I feel like I have developed a slight sense of what is to come, surprises are limited to physical shock, while I can figure out why people (sorry a roach just nibbled on my foot) are acting they way they are acting, and how their particular situations might lead them down a certain path. After a long time of very constant conscious analysis, I now feel like that engine is always on, but I have a new feeling of self, with a an approach that is more physical on my end, I guess I have learned to distract my mind in order to let it rest, however that has achieved a highly developed insight that is always recording and will come to a conclusion based on that, quickly. My distraction is physical exercise, I have also been trying out a more rigorous regiment of health and pushing my body by using my mind. So I am learning things about myself that help me understand things about others.

Learning to accept responsibility for your decisions, your actions and your words is what my life is about as of late. When I assumed the responsibility of bringing a dog into my life, it was the love for that animal that helped me understand my responsibility for her. When I left home that responsibility fell on someone else’s hands, because it was time for me to face new decisions and new experiences to be held accountable for. Those in turn have been made easier as I’ve learned to love myself. And lately I have come to realize that relationships carry many responsibilities and it is my love for the people in those relationships that must kept my decisions in check. Accountability is a hard process to bear, specially while you are still in the process of putting things together for yourself. Decisions come with many issues and for me there is nothing to gain if you don’t risk it all. I put myself in certain positions just so I can learn to deal with them, whether consciously or not, they are there to learn from.

I did my first freediving immersion today, 60 feet to a sunken wreck… amazing. My instructor Jaime and I were out out for about 4 hours taking turns, the whole buddy system. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. There is nothing more profoundly your own than your breath, your mind and your body, going down to 60 feet is something I never expected or desired, it was not a goal, it was just something to do. But when you are so far down, by yourself, with noone else to help you, you face your fear. At first I was totally panicked, I was brought back to a day in Florence when I completely lost my mind when I realized I was alone in this world. That was the feeling I faced again, with one breath, far under the surface, I made my peace, I realized I was special to myself, that I had proven something, even if by the posting of these comments I have yet to understand exactly what it was.