Killing with kindness.

I have an instinct to be complementary, to be helpful (most of the time) and to give without expecting anything in return. This instinct more often then not gets me into situations, be it doing work for free or getting stuck with unwanted responsibilities. The little devil on my shoulder is just not very persuasive I guess, but I do think about the rewards that being helpful and giving bring, they make me content, productive and far beyond that I understand that putting that energy out into the universe will only create more positive things. So it’s never a negative thing to give, or to work for free, what is negative is if that help is taken for granted or abused. Which you learn to avoid or deal with quite sternly.

However most of the work I do, paid or unpaid is rewarding, and I learn from it, even if I had a very bad time doing it.

Responsible.

Learning to accept responsibility for your decisions, your actions and your words is what my life is about as of late. When I assumed the responsibility of bringing a dog into my life, it was the love for that animal that helped me understand my responsibility for her. When I left home that responsibility fell on someone else’s hands, because it was time for me to face new decisions and new experiences to be held accountable for. Those in turn have been made easier as I’ve learned to love myself. And lately I have come to realize that relationships carry many responsibilities and it is my love for the people in those relationships that must kept my decisions in check. Accountability is a hard process to bear, specially while you are still in the process of putting things together for yourself. Decisions come with many issues and for me there is nothing to gain if you don’t risk it all. I put myself in certain positions just so I can learn to deal with them, whether consciously or not, they are there to learn from.

One Breath.

I did my first freediving immersion today, 60 feet to a sunken wreck… amazing. My instructor Jaime and I were out out for about 4 hours taking turns, the whole buddy system. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had. There is nothing more profoundly your own than your breath, your mind and your body, going down to 60 feet is something I never expected or desired, it was not a goal, it was just something to do. But when you are so far down, by yourself, with noone else to help you, you face your fear. At first I was totally panicked, I was brought back to a day in Florence when I completely lost my mind when I realized I was alone in this world. That was the feeling I faced again, with one breath, far under the surface, I made my peace, I realized I was special to myself, that I had proven something, even if by the posting of these comments I have yet to understand exactly what it was.

Apartment Hunting.

Yeah right. Imagine yourself as an orange vest, camo-wearing, tabacco-chewing, tatoo-sportin’, rifle-toting warrior. Your prey? The elusive home of your dreams. Go out there in the jungle and try to find it, well good luck, cause it ain’t happening, unless you are a millionaire, which I very much have plans of being, but am far from at the moment. So here I am wasting money on my rent, wanting to buy a nice little place, in a nice part of town, but unless you have the salary of CEO, that shit ain’t happening. So, I am confused, I catch myself being angry at growing up and even though I would gladly take on the responsability of owning my own home, this market is just insane. I am at a loss, totally confused. Here’s what I know, I want a nice place, I don’t want to live where I am at anymore, I need space and I want to be able to walk around without reaching a wall within 3 steps.

I must first reach the end before I can begin.

I open my blog with the end of the world.

For those of you at home, or very far from imported beer, I would like to introduce you to “La Fin Du Monde”. This beer ladies and gentlefolks is the best beer ever. Now, this is no beer blog, I can tell you that much, and I am no beer fanatic, but after drinking this fine delicate brew, getting arrested by the cops and facing jail time, I have decided that it lives up to its name and will always make my list of “get fucked up quick” drinks. Tasty, amber-colored and friggin’ Canadian, for the love of heaven. This is why, my first blog entry ever comes in the perfectly shaped curves of an imported delicacy.

Hold your breath.

I guess I should start with my name, but what does it really matter. Just read about it in the About section. I just want to put up a picture that I love, taken by someone who has some of my favorite pics and who has a great sense of humor. This is an image of my latest passions, combined. Freediving and Annemarie. Guess who won…